5 things to know before taking part in workplace mediation

Being asked to attend mediation can feel unsettling.

Your manager or HR has suggested it, and now your mind is doing what minds do best.

You're imagining the worst.

"What if they blame me?"

"What if I get upset?"

"What if they refuse to listen?"

"What if I say the wrong thing?"

If that's where your head is right now, you're not alone. Almost everyone I meet arrives with a head full of questions before we even begin.

So here are five things I think everyone should know before they walk into a workplace mediation.

1. You don't have to prepare the perfect speech

One of the biggest worries people have is that they need to get all their thoughts in order beforehand.

They start writing notes. Replaying conversations. Trying to remember every date, every email and every comment that was ever made.

You don't need to do that.

This isn't a courtroom and it isn't a debate.

You don't need to win an argument.

You simply need to be willing to explain how the situation has affected you and what you need to move forward. I'll help guide that conversation.

2. You will have a chance to speak

A lot of people worry they'll be interrupted, talked over or dismissed.

Often that's exactly what's been happening for months.

Part of my role is making sure everyone has the opportunity to speak and everyone has the opportunity to be heard.

That doesn't mean everyone has to agree. It simply means everyone gets the chance to explain their experience without the conversation descending into another argument.

3. You don't have to become best friends

This surprises people.

The aim of mediation isn't to make you like each other. It isn't to force an apology, or pretend nothing happened.

The goal is much more practical than that. We want to find a way for you to work together professionally, respectfully and without the conflict continuing to affect your working lives.

Sometimes that's all people need.

4. Be open to hearing something you weren't expecting

When relationships break down at work, we all create our own version of what happened.

Sometimes we're right, but sometimes we're missing part of the picture.

Mediation gives you the opportunity to hear the other person's perspective in a safe environment.

You don't have to agree with everything they say, but being willing to listen with an open mind often changes the conversation in ways people never expected.

5. Wanting things to get better isn't a weakness

By the time mediation is suggested, many people are exhausted.

They're tired of the tension, tired of walking on eggshells, and tired of dreading meetings or avoiding certain people in the office.

Choosing mediation doesn't mean you've given in, it means you're prepared to see whether there's another way forward.

That takes courage.

Conflict at work can affect every part of your life. It can follow you home, keep you awake at night and leave you questioning yourself in ways you never expected.

You don't have to carry that forever.

Mediation gives you the opportunity to draw a line under what's happened and start building a healthier working relationship.

You may still feel nervous before you walk through the door, and that's completely normal, but remember, you won't be facing it on your own.